How to Tell Family You’re Eloping + How to Announce Your Elopement
Eloping Etiquette 101: How to Have a Small Wedding Without Offending Anyone
If you’ve landed on this page, woohoo! I wanna congratulate you on choosing to elope! It’s a decision that shows you’re intent on making your wedding day exactly what you want it to be.
In addition to feeling empowered and excited, you’re also likely experiencing some anxiety about breaking the news to your friends and family. You’re not alone! Most couples who choose to elope struggle with this – it’s probably the hardest part about planning your elopement. There’s definitely eloping etiquette to consider, and with these tips, you’ll learn how to tell family you’re eloping without hurting anyone’s feelings.
Getting married without family and friends doesn’t mean they won’t be involved! There are SO many ways to include your nearest and dearest in your elopement-planning process. It’s a win-win: They’ll feel like they are a part of your special day, and you’ll be able to have a small wedding without offending anyone.
Okay, but what if you’ve already eloped? If you need help announcing your elopement to your friends and family, then read on for ideas about broadcasting the big news!
(If I’m getting ahead of you and you’re still wondering “What exactly is an elopement these days?” then check out this blog first!)
Dropping Hints Early
In speaking with my couples who chose to elope, one thing that made breaking the news to family a little easier was dropping hints early and often. Some couples even asked a close family member, like a sibling or cousin, to bring up the idea first. That way, when “We are eloping!” was officially announced, it didn’t come as such a shock to family members.
Wedding Wire backs up this approach: “It’s wise to tell your parents you’re eloping as far in advance as possible of your plans, as waiting until the last minute can come as a surprise and be hurtful, warns Shelley Sommerfeldt, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist who specializes in relationships.”
Ok, and what if you’ve already run off and tied the knot, and are deciding when and how to tell your parents you eloped? In case you didn’t get around to dropping any hints, well, there’s the old saying, “It’s easier to ask forgiveness than permission.” While I don’t believe you actually need anyone’s permission to elope, the eloping etiquette outlined below should give you a few ideas for involving those friends and family who weren’t physically there on your special day.
Tell Family You’re Eloping
in Person!
(or Via Video)
While COVID doesn’t currently allow for nonessential travel or family holiday gatherings, divulging the news that you’re eloping with family members in the room (or on FaceTime or Zoom) is really the way to go. You’ll be able to gauge their reactions, respond to any resistance in real time, and reassure them that this was the right choice for you as a couple.
Sharing Your Reasons for Eloping
Speaking from your heart is one of the most tried and true ways to get your family and friends on-board with your elopement plans. You’ll reassure your parents that you’ve done your research, and that after careful consideration, you’ve made your decision.
Is it:
The exorbitant costs of a traditional wedding? Forbes speaks plainly: Millennials are faced with a choice – one day’s festivities versus alleviating their debt burden.
The fact that a pandemic is still very much going on? Micro-ceremonies are the responsible thing to do.
The fact that a lavish wedding is just not your style?
Your desire to have an intimate, authentic day for your nuptials, and not a big, performative event that’s—let’s be honest—really just for the guests?
Opting for a down-payment on a house over an open bar and dinner for 100 of your friends? (Your real ones would completely understand.)
Once you start listing the reasons you decided an elopement was best for you two, your family will likely recognize that this was a personal decision not taken lightly, and they should support you in getting married without family and friends physically present. There will still be one or two family members who object, and may even call you selfish.
Is eloping selfish? Maybe! But you know what? It’s more than okay for you and your partner to be selfish on the ONE day that commemorates and sets the tone for your entire future together. The next thing you can do is to invite your family members to take part in your elopement planning.
Eloping With Family Input
One of the best ways you can make family members feel included in your special day is by inviting them to help you plan. Meet with them (either in person or virtually) to discuss potential elopement locations, your dress/tux/jumpsuit ideas and options, whether you should book that helicopter ride, etc.! Knowing that you sincerely value their input will mean a lot to them. They’ll still be able to discuss the event with their friends, and feel like they played an important role in your planning.
Plan a Reception After Eloping
Alright, if your family isn’t yet totally convinced that you’re not out to punish them, just mention the word “party” and see what happens. 90% of the time, it will soften even the staunchest family member. Organizing a reception after eloping (or even a pre-party!) is great a way to celebrate with your loved ones, even though you’re getting married without family and friends attending the actual ceremony (and Aunt Suze can still get her party-planning fix).
This doesn’t have to be a grand event, by any means! If you’re wondering what to do after eloping, a casual dinner followed by a slideshow is a fun way to share your day with your closest friends. Or a “bon voyage” cocktail party (if you’re heading out for a destination elopement) is another unique way to involve your loved ones.
You might also consider signing your official marriage certificate in the presence of your family or friends at one of these gatherings, to make them feel extra special for bearing witness to such a special moment! Or, like Martha Stewart suggests, you might consider something more intimate: “Introduce your in-laws to your parents at a family dinner or vacation.”
Take Tons of Pictures
(+ Share Share Share!)
I always advocate for hiring an all-day elopement photographer. There’s so much more to your special day than just the ceremony! Hiring your photographer starting at sunrise (or staying past sunset) helps to truly tell the entire story of your elopement day. Then you can share every single moment with your loved ones, along with a personal retelling of all the little details and what each part of the day was like.
Announcing Your Elopement
So, you’ve already gone and done it! You ventured somewhere beautiful with the love of your life, and y’all committed yourselves to each other with an intimate and meaningful ceremony that you’ll remember for the rest of your lives. Congratulations!! Now, how the heck do you tell it to the rest of the world?!
Well, you have many options! Just like your decision to elope was an incredibly personal decision, so is announcing your elopement. Take some time to consider the best way to break this story to your friends and extended family. You might end up doing a mix of things!
An elopement announcement poem is a cute way to dispatch your news. You can weave in details from the day, talk about your history with your partner, and even include close friends and family to make them feel like a special part of your milestone.
You know the old saying “A picture is worth a thousand words”? Yep—it’s true! One of my favorite ideas for broadcasting your big news is by sharing a favorite photo from your elopement. This could be a paper announcement that you send in the mail or an eco-friendly digital flyer you share on social media. And for certain friends, it could also serve as save-the-date for that aforementioned after-party.
You Got This!
Hopefully this article has shown you how to tell family you’re eloping with minimal backlash, and provided a little insight into elopement announcement etiquette. It’s never an easy thing to do, but as long as you speak from the heart and let them know how important they are to you, you should be able to move forward and even involve them in the planning process. Just remember, this day is 100% about you and your partner. People who truly love you will (eventually) support that.
Still have questions about how to have a small wedding without offending anyone?
I’m here to help!
Ready to Book?
Elopement Photographer Andrea Enger (Portrait by Jennifer Garza Photography)
If you’re ready to get the ball rolling to secure your photographer (slash wedding planner!) that’s great!
You can do that by contacting me through my website, emailing me directly at andreaenger.photography@gmail.com, or by calling or texting me at (720) 739-0784. I look forward to hearing from you!
If you’re still in the research phase, I hear ya! Here are some more resources that my couples have found helpful. I hope you do, too!
Colorado Elopement Guide
Elopement Planning Toolkit (free download)
More Resources:
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